Our Words Have the Power to Build Bridges or Break Them
Scaling Major Gifts. Strategies, action steps, and ideas for scaling major gifts by Tammy Zonker, Major Gift Expert & Keynote Speaker.
This has been simmering inside me for months. It’s about the language we use in the nonprofit sector—and why we need to be more mindful of it.
Have you ever stopped to consider how the words we use shape not only how others perceive us, but how we see ourselves and our profession? In the high-stakes world of fundraising, every phrase matters. Too often, I hear well-intentioned colleagues talk about “tips and tricks” for getting donors to give, as if generosity is something to be engineered or coaxed with the wave of a wand.
But here’s the truth: the language we use in fundraising does more than communicate a message; it creates our reality and influences how our donors, teams, and even we ourselves engage with the noble work we’re called to do. If you’re searching for a more authentic, transformative approach to fundraising, you’re in the right place. By the end of this edition of Scaling Major Gifts, you’ll gain practical tools and fresh inspiration to elevate every donor interaction by simply choosing your words more intentionally.
Words That Build and Words That Break
I’ll never forget the day a bright, passionate fundraiser I was mentoring stood up in front of her board and announced, “Here are three quick tricks you can use to ask for donations.” Instantly, the spark in the room faded. That one word—“tricks”—carried a weight she hadn’t intended. It implied that our work is about manipulation rather than partnership, about coaxing someone into a gift rather than inviting them into a shared vision.
This isn’t just about semantics. Brain science actually tells us that the language we use wires our brains, shapes our belief systems, and ultimately guides our actions. When we talk about “hitting up donors” or “low-hanging fruit,” we’re not just using tired clichés; we’re reinforcing a transactional mindset that stands in stark contrast to the values of abundance, empathy, and integrity that drew most of us to this sector in the first place.
As fundraising professionals, we exist in a landscape where trust is at a premium and donors are more discerning than ever. When our words suggest shortcuts or gimmicks, we risk losing the very relationships upon which nonprofits are built. That’s why I believe the words we choose have the power to either build bridges or break them.
The Power of Reframing
So, what does better look like? Think of the difference between saying, “Let me share some proven approaches to engaging supporters,” versus, “Here are some tricks for boosting your fundraising.” The first offers respect, partnership, and a sense of shared purpose. The second sounds transactional and, frankly, a little desperate.
Let me offer you some practical alternative tools you can use the very next time you write an email or prepare for a donor visit:
Instead of “tips and tricks,” try “strategies and practices” or “proven approaches.”
Instead of “low-hanging fruit,” say “natural first steps.”
Instead of “hit up donors,” say “invite support” or “engage partners.”
Instead of “deep pockets,” say “generous hearts” or “abundant resources.”
Notice the shift in energy? One set of words feels diminishing. The other feels respectful, abundant, and empowering.
Here’s something I want you to internalize: fundraising is not a transaction, and it’s not even primarily about money. It is about identity, belonging, and purpose. Language is one of the key tools we use to communicate that deeper truth.
Think about how much more motivated you feel as a fundraiser when you say, “I help build communities of generosity,” instead of “I bring in dollars.” That’s not woo-woo; that’s neuroscience. That’s mindset. That’s the difference between burnout and resilience.
I’ve seen organizations transform their results simply by reframing their messaging. Instead of rallying staff to “hit our fundraising goal,” they articulate a vision: “Together, we can ensure every family in our community has a place to call home.” Suddenly, it’s not about the organization’s scoreboard. It’s about joining a movement grounded in shared values and real-world impact.
And this shift isn’t just for written appeals. It’s for every board meeting, team huddle, and donor conversation. I encourage you to audit the language in your emails, campaign materials, and day-to-day conversations. Replace diminishing phrases with ones rooted in abundance and empathy. Watch how people respond, not just your donors, but your teams and even yourself. The transformation is remarkable.
Elevate Your Words, Elevate Your Impact
At the heart of it all, fundraising isn’t about outsmarting or outmaneuvering donors. It’s about forging genuine connections and inviting generous people into community. That’s what makes our work so meaningful. When we elevate our language, we elevate our outcomes and our sense of purpose.
As you move forward, challenge yourself and your colleagues. Discard the “tips and tricks” mentality. Replace it with strategies and language that honor the dignity and generosity of those you serve and those you invite into your mission.
Ask yourself: What would your fundraising sound like if every word you used came from a posture of empathy, integrity, and abundance? What would your communications look like? What would change in your boardrooms or with your staff?
Implement These Takeaways Starting Today
Let me break down three takeaways you can implement today:
Audit your language. Start by noticing the fundraising words you use most often. Which ones feel transactional? Which elevate the donor’s humanity? Keep a running list.
Reframe with abundance. For every diminishing phrase, create two or three alternatives that affirm generosity and partnership. Write them on a sticky note. Post them on your desk.
Train your team. Don’t stop with yourself. Bring this conversation to your board, staff, and volunteers. Help them practice the language of empathy. Remind them: if you change your words, you change your mindset, and if you change your mindset, you change your outcomes.
Friends, fundraising is a noble profession. It is about inviting people into community and purpose. Let us not diminish that with language of tricks, hits, and low-hanging fruit. Instead, let us elevate the words, because words build worlds—not just in our donor communities, but in our very selves.
In Fundraising, Every Word Counts
When we choose our words with intention, we not only reshape our relationships with donors and teams, we reshape the very essence of our profession. Let’s move beyond clichés and transactional language and instead speak from a place of empathy, integrity, and partnership.
So, next time you feel tempted to use a tired cliché like “tips and tricks,” stop. Instead, choose words rooted in integrity, empathy, and respect. Your donors will feel the difference. And you will, too.
Keep scaling,
Tammy Zonker
Author, Major Gift Expert & Keynote Speaker
President, Fundraising Transformed
President, Modern Institute for Charitable Giving
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